Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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