I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
