We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
