oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
