Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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