If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
