I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
