I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
