so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize