all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
