At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
50% drunk capacity currently
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
