i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
