I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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