Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
