i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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