I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
