508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
