Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
