If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
