Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
