Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
