He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
