Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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