we have officially lost it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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