Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
