And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
