I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I checked into jail on foursquare
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
