On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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