Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
