i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
