Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
