I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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