fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
