Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
