Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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