You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
