I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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