One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
