my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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