I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
