if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
