he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
