Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
