I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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