do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
