I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
