you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
