would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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