I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
