There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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