The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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