cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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