'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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