No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
