i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
