our cab driver is having phone sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize