Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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