A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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