There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
