you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize