he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
