This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
