By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
